Dirty jokes . . . Oh yeah!
Q. What's the difference between a prostitute
with diarrhea and an epileptic oyster shucker?
A. One shucks between fits.
Q. What is relative humidity?
A. The sweat on your balls when you're fucking your sister.
Q. How do you fit 3 gay guys on a bar stool?
A. Turn it upside down.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering
wheel sticking out of his zipper.
The bartender says, "Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel
attached to your willie?"
The pirate replies, "Aye! It's driving me nuts.”
A boy and his father were playing catch
in the front yard when the boy saw a honeybee. He ran over and stomped
it.
"That was a honey bee," his father
said, "one of our friends. For stomping him you will do without honey
for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly, and he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and
for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain
toast with no honey or butter.
Suddenly a cockroach ran out from under
the stove. His mother stomped it. The boy looked at his father and said,
"Are you going to tell her, Dad, or should I?"
A woman was in a coma.
Nurses were in her
room giving her a sponge bath. As one of them was washing her private area
she noticed that there was a response on the monitor.
They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy
as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her
out of the coma."
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they'd close the
curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed, and went into his wife's
room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined . . . no pulse, no
heart rate. The nurses ran into the room.
The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said, "I
think she choked."
Joe took his blind date to the carnival.
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got
on the scale; it read 117 and they won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before,
he guessed her correct weight, and they won a prize again.
The couple walked around the carnival, and again he asked her what she
would like to do.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured that she was a little weird, and took her home
early, dropping her off with a handshake.
When she got home her roommate, Laura, asked her, "How did your date
go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."